I’m starting to freak out a little because I just booked a trip for my 26^th birthday. You might wonder what aspect of that causes freaking out. It’s the part of it that proves that I’m turning 26 and I have no idea where this past year has gone or how it’s flown by so fast. What the hell!? It seems like just yesterday I was ringing in the big 2-5 in Hawaii on the last leg of a long trip abroad. I know 26 is still a few months away, but I really can’t believe I’m almost there.

Again… What the hell?!

I’ve been thinking lately about what it means to be “grown up” and how we get there. I’m still far from being the wise master of life that I’d like to eventually be and still have a lot of things to accomplish. But in the past couple years, I’ve witnessed a lot of changes in myself and those around me that signal signs of adulthood. And sadly, a lot of it is in the form of anxieties we had never experienced until this mid-20s stage of life. A lot of my girlfriends experienced the quarter-life crisis and I stood beside them with empathy as a fellow victim of its wrath. We all truly questioned, “What am I doing with my life?” with follow up questions being, “Should I go back to school? Should I change careers? Am I in the kind of relationship I want to be in at this point in my life?” and then feeling unsure of the decisions and realities and answers to these questions. I don’t think we ever worried like this before. My point is not that this kind of stress qualifies adulthood. But I would say that it shows a definite wear on our carefree spirits of youth.

I’ve also been thinking about how I’ve never really known what I wanted to do when I “grew up.” I used to think I wanted to be a dentist, but that was way off the mark and I probably just said that to have something to say when the question was asked. I also majored in Business Administration for whatever reasons, yet I couldn’t tell you the key points of Finance, Accounting, or Economics that I was supposed to learn. Unlike myself, there are some people out there that just know. Some people grow up knowing that they want to be a doctor or a teacher or whatever, and that’s what they become. But I don’t think I’ve ever really known, and I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing. I’ve been more concerned with doing things that mean something to me, and it’s led me to where I am and to satisfaction with my decisions.

What amazes me about not having had a clear sense of my future is that many aspects of my current life would not have been predictable to me even just a year or two ago. In my youth, I don’t think I ever would have imagined that I would eventually become a yoga instructor. I didn’t even know what yoga was. When I was in college, I never would have thought that I would end up quitting my first “real” job so I could volunteer abroad and travel. Even a year ago I wouldn’t have guessed that moving to LA would become a reality, even though it might have crossed my mind during my frequent visits to sunny So Cal. These were all things that manifested organically and are things that I look back at and make sense to me in the course of my life now, but at the same time remain to be things that I would not have necessarily expected before they came about. When there’s so much good that happens without having to know and without hefty consideration or subsequent stress, it makes me wonder why we’re so worried in the first place. Maybe that thought can let us all breathe a little easier!

I’ll leave you with a list of some dream jobs…

-     - Cupcake tester. I want a cupcake!

-         - Ice cream tester. I want the ice cream in my freezer! But I’m also really warm in bed right now… Lazy.

-         - Pizza and/or french fry taster

-         - Any food taste-tester!

-         -  Beach bum

-         - Luxury resort approver

-         - Interior designer

-         - Housewife with cute kids and enough money to support them all

-          - Model

-         - Full-time yoga instructor

-          - Writer

-          - Owner of any independent business based on inherent talents, allowing freedom from corporate America and having to request vacation time based on accrued hours =)

-         -  Whatever I eventually become when I grow up

Someday we'll know.